Mom went to some dog parade on Easter and took these pictures. She thought about dressing me up in some silly outfit, but duh! I’m a cat! She had another thing coming if she thought she’d trot me around in a parade with a bunch of dogs!
Well yesterday my human got the brainy idea that I needed a “checkup” from the veterinarian. I only had a foggy memory of what that’s all about because the last time I went to a vet was when I was only a kitten and slept through most of it. All I know from that experience is that you should never fall asleep there ’cause when you wake up you’ll be missing parts that you came in with. Yesterday I overheard the phrase “take the cat to the vet” from my spot under the breakfast table, and decided it was time to make myself scarce.
So while I’m unceremoniously being dragged out from underneath the bed, I’m wondering to myself “Why do I need a checkup? There’s nothing wrong with me! It’s those idiot dogs that need a checkup! In fact I think they should all have a taste testing trip to the Menu Foods company.
Veterinarians are sadists. They get you in a little room on a slippery table, and the first thing he does to you is stick a thermometer up your butt. No flowers or candy first either. Then I hear the vet and my human talking about “taking a blood sample”. That can’t be good. But be sure that I intended to take a few blood samples from them too. After which the vet said maybe I needed my nails trimmed. My nails are just fine thankyou.
So the vet leaves and it’s just me and my human in the room. Mom starts that disgusting cooing sound…saying “it’s ok baby…you’re being a good kitty…nobody’s going to hurt you…” Clearly she hasn’t been paying attention. Maybe she needs to have her temperature taken.
Next a perky blonde comes in with a clipboard. She looks at me and says “Oh hi kitty! Aren’t you cute!” CUTE? Come over here…I’ll show you cute. Then I hear her and mom talking about “payment…cash or credit”. You mean to tell me she pays money to let someone torture me? I think there must be laws against this.
On the drive home mom almost had a trip to the people hospital cause just as she was trying to make a left turn in an intersection I let out howl that jolted her right out of her seat. She turned around and looked at me said “you almost made me have an accident!” Well yea that was the idea.
Oh ick! Mom actually let the little turd sleep on the bed last night. She said “he’s so little and he doesn’t have much hair, he’s probably cold…” Too bad. I say let the little crybaby sleep outside.
Well this just cuts the cheese! My humans went to the local animal shelter today and brought home another dog. Like the two dogs that are already here aren’t enough! This one is a scrawny little white thing that weighs less than I do soaking wet. In fact I’m not even sure it’s 100% dog. It looks like a weird cross between a dog and some other species…maybe a monkey or a possum. I mean…geez! Look at this thing!
Mom holds it and makes this disgusting cooing sound in its ear. She says “he’s a sweet little boy and he just needs a good home and someone to love him”. Makes me want to puke. And why does he have to have MY home? The other two brainless canines have just rolled over and welcomed him into the house like a steak fresh off the barbeque.
If I can get my humans to quit drooling over the little spit-wad for two minutes we’re going to have a TALK!
By Margaret Wise Brown, Illustrated by Alice & Martin Provensen.
Ok… mom swears this is her favorite book and that as a child this book inspired her to be an artist. But I have some concerns about this seemingly innocent little story. For example:
“Once there were two color kittens with green eyes, Brush and Hush. They liked to mix and make colors by splashing one color into another. They had buckets and buckets and buckets and buckets of color to splash around with. Out of these colors they would make all the colors in the world.
Did OSHA know about all this paint? Did they have government approved paint storage cabinets for this stuff?
The buckets had the colors written on them, but of course the kitten’s couldn’t read.
Must have gone to California public schools.
They had to tell by the colors. ‘It is very easy,’ said Brush. ‘Red is red. Blue is blue.’ said Hush. But they had no green. ‘No green paint!’ said Brush and Hush. And they wanted green paint of course, because nearly every place they liked to go was green. Green as cats’ eyes. Green as grass. By streams of water. Green as glass. So they tried to make some green paint.
For one thing… cats don’t see colors all that well. Our eyes are made for spotting movement. Plus we’re nearsighted. We see moving things that are close enough for us to grab and kill like mice. Not sitting around staring at streams of water.
Brush mixed red paint and white paint together - and what did that make? It didn’t make green. But it made pink. Pink as pigs. Pink as toes. Pink as a rose. Or a baby’s nose.
Pink! Isn’t that just sweet. I think Brush was a little light in the loafers.
Then Hush mixed yellow and red together, and it made orange. Orange as an orange tree. Orange as a bumblebee. Orange as the setting sun. Sinking slowly in the sea. The kittens were delighted, but it didn’t make green.
Then they mixed red and blue together - and what did that make? It didn’t make green. It made a deep dark purple. Purple as violets. Purple as prunes. Purple as shadows on late afternoons. Still no green!
All this color mixing brings to mind something that’s always bugged me. I’m sure some techno-nerd can answer this… In school (back when still they actually had art class in school) kids are taught that the primary colors are red, blue and yellow. That all other colors come from some mixture of these three colors. Then comes television, and computer monitors and we’re told that red, green and blue are the primary colors. What the heck? Someone explain this please?
And then…
O wonderful kittens! O Brush! O Hush! At last, almost by accident, the kittens poured a bucket of blue and a bucket of yellow together, and it came to pass that they made a green as green as grass. Green as green leaves on a tree. Green as islands in the sea.
The little kittens were so happy with all the colors they had made that they began to paint everything around them. They painted… Green leaves and red berries, and purple flowers and pink cherries. Red tables and yellow chairs, black trees with golden pears.
Then the kittens got so excited they knocked their buckets upside down and all the colors ran together.
Back to OSHA…in 1949 when this book was written no one had ever heard of acrylic or latex paint. Every can of paint in your garage had lead, titanium oxide, lacquer thinner, xylene and a host of other cancer causing ingredients in it. Now days if you so much as spit in the gutter you end up with the Hazmat people all over you. Yet these little Jackson Pollock wannabes are spilling gallons of the stuff all over the countryside?
Yellow, red, a little blue and a little black…and that made brown. Brown as a tugboat, brown as an old goat, brown as a beaver. BROWN. And in all that brown, the sun went down. It was evening and colors began to disappear in the warm dark night.
The kittens fell asleep in the warm dark night with all their colors out of sight and as they slept they dreamed their dream - A wonderful dream of a red rose tree that turned all white when you counted three…One…Two..Three. Of a purple land in a pale pink sea, where apples fell from a golden tree. And then a world of Easter eggs that danced about on little short legs. And they dreamed of a mouse, a little gray mouse that danced on a cheese that was big as a house. And a green cat danced with a little pink dog, till they all disappeared in a soft gray fog.
Did I mention paint fumes? These cat clearly were sniffing too much of their green paint.
And suddenly Brush woke up and Hush woke up. It was morning. they crawled out of bed into a big bright world. The sky was wild with sunshine. The kittens were wild with purring and pouncing - Pounce Pounce Pounce. They got so pouncey they knocked over the buckets and all the colors ran out together. There were all the colors in the world and the color kittens had made them. Sing Ho for the color of Brush. Sing Ho for the color of Hush. Sing Ho for the color of Brush and Hush. Sing Ho for the color of color. Now hush!”
BREITBART.COM - Massive hacker attack slows but fails to bring down Internet
Massive hacker attack slows but fails to bring down Internet
Feb 07 9:58 AM US/Eastern
The biggest attack in years on the Internet’s backbone servers, which slowed traffic but failed to bring down the Web, used infected computers around the world as “zombies,” security experts have said.
Graham Cluley, senior technology consultant at the London-based firm Sophos, said Tuesday’s incident “seems to have been the most serious attack against these domain name servers since December 2002.”
Hmm… it’s not all that hard to mess up the internet…I took down mom’s computer just a few months ago. That was back when she still kept the PCU sitting on the floor underneath her desk. It was one of those days when she had forgotten to clean out my litter box, so I peed on the side of her computer instead. Right where the little holes and the fan are. Boy did she say a lot of bad words! She had to get a new computer and she keeps it up on top of her desk now. There’s too much crap all over her desk for me to get up there so I guess it’s safe for now…. as long as she keeps my litterbox clean.
~Tuff Kitty
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